So I’m not sure if anyone’s noticed but I missed my weekly post last week and I was super bummed out about it. I wasn’t too disappointed in myself really, and I wasn’t worried about disappointing my nonexistent viewship, but I missed writing. I really did. I missed being able to type things out and see the little scrollbar form along the page, as it slowly becomes thinner and thinner with each press of a button.
One thing about me. I am a perfectionist. A lot of people are. But I’m also really lazy. A lot of people are. And I read a quote about the combination of perfectionism and procrastination, and it’s not the best thing. I’ve had countless of unfinished projects because I’m just too scared of seeing how they will turn out. I’m so attached to their being good ideas, successful ideas, that sometimes I’d rather not take the chance with them. I liked to keep them locked up in my head, safe from any real world criticism, or heaven-forbid utter failure. But if my ideas never come to life, they’ve already failed. And that just makes me sad. It’s the same thing with parents and their children. No matter how much you want to protect them, one day, they’re gonna have to leave the nest. And if all goes well, they’ll soar. And if they fall, you can only hope they’ll be strong enough to get back up. And that’s absolutely terrifying. There’s a point in time when you realease an idea, and it’s no longer yours. It’s public domain, and the public can be a tough crowd. Still, I’m attempting to convince myself there’s no harm in trying (and definitely no harm in typing).
In the classic novel A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, one (or more!) of the characters is Recalled to Life. And even in reading, the meaning of that iconic phrase can remain as ambiguous as you want it to be. And however way you choose to take the message, hopefully it’s one of Hope. (I don’t know man, Dickens really likes to capitilize words. Who does he think he is, Margo Roth Spiegelman?) Because life is a beautiful and treacherous thing, and sometimes we all just need to be called back.
Due to my perfectionist nature, I take a long time to write things down. I like things to be well-planned, written so it seems effortless, and sprinkled with contagious personality. But my writing will never be perfect, and that’s okay. Improvement is one of the best feelings in the world, but it shouldn’t become something that defines you. It should not be an expectation, it’s just an occurance. So for anyone out there who can relate to that feeling of being to afraid to do what they want, I want you to try a challenge. Ban the backspace button. The only exception to the rule is that you have to fix any glaring grammar mistakes or it’ll make me insane. I’ll have to admit, I cheated a little on this one. I tried to do it on this post, but I ended up rephrasing things just a little so that they would make more sense. I tried to omit transitions in this one. I tried my best not to try, but to feel. And I have to say with all my heart that this blogpost, which I refuse to edit after I press that fateful button, which I know in my heart could have been written better and with fewer mistakes… I know in my heart that this blogpost is not a failure. Because it means something to me. I felt it. I hope you feel it too.