This post was inspired by the lovely Adri, who commented on my Flip-Flop Challenge, asking if I could take over the world (hey, you never know), how would I do it? So I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past 24 hours, and I’ve realized that world domination is a lot harder than it looks.
First, let’s look at things that already dominate the world. Microsoft, Apple, McDonald’s, Starbucks, ect. They “own” a lot of the world from a business standpoint. But building up a corporate entity can take a while, and honestly, I’d like to conquer the world while I’m still young. Because then I can set it on fire. That song never did make sense to me.
A preferable method would just be appointment as supreme ruler of the universe by way of global democracy, but, seeing as the U.S. can’t even handle national democracy, I doubt that would work. I could try using military force, but I’ve never been a proponent of violence, and I’m not just gonna give up all my morals for the sake of absolute power. I mean, who does that?
I’d like to just enchant everyone into following me with my irresistible spread of love and happiness, but I only speak English fluently, so that would be a little difficult. Translators are good too, but I’ve never been much of a public speaker, so things are doubtful all the same.
So of course this leaves the most viable, practical option. Mind control. Simple enough, right? But what substance could be so widespread as to ensure complete spread of my brain-infiltrating mechanism? And then it hit me. Water. I’ll just contaminate the water supply. All I need to do now is find something that will reprogram the minds of all humanity. Hmm, I’ll check Ebay first. After all, you can find anything on the internet. Any Erudites out there that experiment with serums? We’ll be in touch.
Thanks for all your help. You are now officially my minions. Play your cards right, and you just might find yourself as Emperor of New Zealand, Queen of the United Kingdom (that’ll be a shocker), or ruler of who-knows-where?